To my ex
I knw we tried to be friends even after the hard break up.
But I cant really move on the way u assume i can. because there is still traces of anger and unforgiveness in me.
you think that just because i agreed to be friends, we can REALLY and truly go out,have a meal and laugh like friends? No.
YOU’RE SO DAMN STUPID AND NAIVE. I tried okay? We have gone out a few times and met up but it always ends in misery, because we’d argue over some shit because we both have some grudge and unforgiveness within us. which is why i try not to meet up with you, because i believe im WISE ENOUGH to realise that we’re going round and round in a fucking circle, and strong enough to stop torturing myself. At the expense of our friendship? yes! because i am not ready!
but u make it sound like i owe u a phone call, a text, a meal because i said we can still remain friends. dont be ridiculous PLEASE. you’re so deluded, cant you tell that it is extremely hard for us both to pretend to be chummy again??? even if it was possible, dont you think we need more time to get to that level again? you were already rushing me to BE FRIENDS WITH YOU when we only broke up three months or something.
erm hello? if i didnt have any feelings for you, of course it would be damn easy for me to come back to you as a friend and put everything behind. but no, because i was GENUINE, because i really truly believed in us, only that it crumbled to nothing, IT IS HARD.
okay?!
and as i mentioned earlier, we still keep going through the phase of meeting, then things turning ugly, cos we would argue over sth or bring up our past relationship, and then sort of making up again. hello i have better things to do than stupidly get myself stuck in this damned cycle. cant you see that it’s better for us to stay far far away from each other?
perhaps i have decided that i have mourned long enough. i have gone through enough.
in fact, during the first week or 2 weeks after we broke up, i couldnt fucking EAT.
i’d be hungry, but after about a few bites into my food, i’d totally lose my appetite. like the food just tastes bad. bland. meaningless. as a result i lost weight, and i only realised this when i put on my formal wear for a presentation, only to find it extremely baggy for me. baffled, i weighed myself and was shocked to realise i lost 2 whole kgs. but i was in a rush to get to school so i had no choice but to wear black jeans and a not so formal collared shirt, and pray the teacher doesnt deduct my points for my dressing. but he did, and commented harshly on it. i got a C for that assignment.
this is bullshit. i dont want to be stressed anymore. selfish as it seems, what’s the point???? why put myself in misery? im not as masochistic as you are. you say im not trying to be a friend. you’re right. im not. way too tiring and painful. and stupid, if you ask me. i rather not try and just cool off and maybe in a few years’ time, who knows? but not now. definitely not now.
and you scolding me and cursing me over me not fulfilling my duties as a friend, is the last straw.
since i suck so much, then fuck off. FUCK THE HELL OFF U BASTARD.
